My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
