Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
