Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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