Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
