just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
