Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
