I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
