the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it was like eating out sand paper
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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