So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
