i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize