OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
