I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
