And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
