No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
