Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
