i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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