If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
