you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
