She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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