Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
