We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
