four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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