hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
