We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize