i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
