I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
