Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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