It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
