called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
