My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
