may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
