She is in my trunk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
