I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize