my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize