Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
