Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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