He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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