if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can I color on your dick again?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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