he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize