I hate your face
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
