Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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