so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
