i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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