I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
