Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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