Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
