Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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