VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have fence marks all over my body
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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