Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
