She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
True college students do jello shots in the library
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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