ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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