i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You need a sexual gate keeper
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
