Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
