i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
