My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
