You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
