sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bring me that man meat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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