i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
