I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
