Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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