the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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