I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize