it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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