No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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