I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
