im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I only lived at night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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