I cockslap morals
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
