Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
