when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize