perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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