I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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