I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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