did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
