haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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