I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
