well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
