I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
