so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
