areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
