the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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