I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
