You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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