He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
