I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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