there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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