Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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