The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
