Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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