I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize