i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
