this beer tastes like vomit already
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
