got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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