i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
